Nothing ever stays the same. I have learned that over the years, but despite the change, I must remember something that Maya Angelou said a few years back —
“I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.”
I have been working at a call center for a little over three months. It is satisfying to finally be working after more than two years of being unemployed, but it is also extremely frustrating and difficult. I started work using my cane, and I was able to last through training with only two significant absence seizures, still using my cane. But once training was finished, the absence seizures became more frequent. I would suppose they happen at least once a day. I am back to using my walker — that big bulky thing, the only thing that keeps me from falling on my face.
I would love nothing more than to return to my writing. It is the one thing that I love most in the world — well the one activity I love most in the world. But, because I can’t seem to earn any money with the activity, I am forced to work.
We are looking for opportunities for change, an opportunity for me to get on disability which I sorely need, and an opportunity to get out of the place we’ve been stuck in for more than five years. Through everything, my husband has been my constant refuge. I am so incredibly grateful to have him in my life. He has helped me see when change is needed, as difficult as that change might be; and he will be with me as we continue to change again for the better. He has seen me in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, and he has continued to love me and take care of me. It means the world to me to know that he supports me and that he will be with me regardless of what steps we take to improve, to better ourselves, to learn from our mistakes, and of course, to change.
In an effort to return to my writing and to hopefully find a way to make some money, I have updated my website to indicate that I am a writer on my homepage. While I am no longer active (and probably will discontinue my activity) on Examiner.com, it has taught me a lot about journalistic writing. I am still a creative writer, having kept up with my poetry writing, and I am an academic writer who will someday hold the title of PhD. I have so much of which I can be proud. I can only continue to claim my accomplishments in these periods of darkness, the sadness, and disappointment that continue to plague me. And I hope you, my readers, will continue to do the same.